I Have Cancer
by darkgirl3
Summary: Instead of walking out of the building Justin stayed after he heard a lamp shatter he went back. Brian couldn't walk out after he smashed his lamp apart angry at the universe for what he had. So he sat in his desk chair until something got him to look up seeing Justin there. It's when he decided to say those three words no one wants to hear.


**I Own Nothing**

**AN: This idea just popped into my head like most of mine do. I just wanted another fix it for the season 4 when Brian should have told Justin. Takes place after he smashed his lamp and before he left. **

**Summary: Instead of walking out of the building Justin stayed after he heard a lamp shatter he went back. Brian couldn't walk out after he smashed his lamp apart angry at the universe for what he had. So he sat in his desk chair until something got him to look up seeing Justin there. It's when he decided to say those three words no one wants to hear. **

**Title: I Have Cancer**

The only thing that Brian kept thinking was that it couldn't be real. The doctor was lying, but of course he'd been told it was probably cancer. Only way to find out was to take the ball off leaving him with some silicone thing. He then had an image of his so called dad running through his mind dying. He didn't want to go out like that, not like the bastard had done because he kept hearing Justin's voice that he wasn't his dad. He kept staring at the stupid ticket that was on his desk.

He couldn't bring his self to ask for help or open his mouth about what was going on. At the same time he wanted to just find the one person he knew loved him and hold onto Justin forever. For the first time in his life that he could remember he wanted to curl up in a ball and cry. He could say it wasn't fair or right, but his life hadn't been either. Then again when he'd walked up to Justin that night outside Babylon things had gotten better. Justin was this ray of light in his darkness even if he was being stupid by not telling him.

Brian knew he'd lied letting everyone believe he was going to Ibiza when he was going to Baltimore. He kept telling his self he had to get up and leave. The flight was in two hours, but he hadn't been able to get out of the chair to go to the airport. He hadn't even moved since he'd made Justin go, smashed the damn lamp on the floor, and sat back down. He'd planned on going, he had to go because he didn't want to die. It came down to that, he didn't want to die, but in the last fifteen minutes, he checked, he couldn't remember hearing the elevator door.

He knew it was a stupid thing to think about, but it's what it came down too after knowing he had to go. He'd been looking at the desk hadn't bothered to look up, but when he did Justin was standing at the door. The person he'd been trying to get his self to maybe tell for days. The person he didn't want to lie to the most because they were partners now. He'd given in when Justin came back to him after the stupid fiddler. He'd admitted that they were partners, equals, but he was treating Justin like shit by not telling him. Justin had told him he'd be here when he got back, but he hadn't even left and he was standing at the door again.

That was the thing about Justin, he came back to him. Every time he pushed him away Justin came back. It was a good thing he thought, but he also knew one day he may push Justin so far he wouldn't want to ever come back. If that day came he'd be broken forever which made him think he needed to change. He couldn't continue on this thing of pushing Justin away when he got scared of letting him into his heart even farther. He loved Justin so much that it physically hurt at times.

When he'd gone through the bashing, which he had experienced it too only differently, he'd drowned his self in drugs and booze. It had been how he dealt with almost losing Justin. The fiddler phase he had screwed a hustler that looked like Justin to get by. Now, what was he supposed to do? He needed to swallow that bitter pill that was his pride and tell Justin. It was the only answer he could think of that didn't leave them both fighting again.

**~BJ JB BJ JB~**

Brian hadn't even let his self grieve over Vic's death and now being told he had Cancer. He had kept everything inside of him for days now. However, seeing Justin right there knowing he hadn't left even though he'd screamed it at him almost. Something finally snapped inside of him because this time Justin hadn't left, not completely. He had come back, possibly when he'd broken the lamp like he had. It was too much, somewhere in the worry about being like his dad and never seeing either Justin or Gus again it just broke like the lamp. He felt broken like that lamp that was still lying on the floor of his office with glass all over the place.

"I lied, I'm not going to Ibiza." Brian said looking back down at his desk he couldn't look at Justin's face when he said what was wrong. "I'm going to Baltimore. I..." He still was having trouble saying it out loud.

Justin moved from the door going over to Brian after maneuvering the broken lamp and glass. He gently took hold of Brian's chin in his hand pushing his face up so they were looking at each other. He'd known something else was wrong and refused to walk out of the building until he knew. He had known he was risking Brian getting seriously pissed at him, but he'd needed to. They were in this together no matter what went on in their lives because he loved Brian. They were partners even if Brian couldn't get three words out. He had at least finally said they were partners so that was something.

"I love you, Brian Kinney. No matter what is going on, no matter what it takes I am not leaving you. I am not running this time, do you understand that? I'm not that fucking immature teenager I was when I left before. So please tell me what is wrong, we'll face it together; it's what partners do. I found a way to help you with this here, now give me some credit, even if you can't say the words I know you love me, so what's wrong?" Justin asked knowing that he was worried, but he wasn't going to run. The look on Brian's face made him know it was serious.

"I have Cancer." Brian said looking Justin straight on needing to know if he saw any hesitation there, even if Justin had given him that speech.

**~BJ JB BJ JB~**

It wasn't the three words anyone wanted to hear and it wasn't what Justin was expecting. He'd been prepared for, well he hadn't been prepared for this news. However, he didn't blink or move back in a need to leave. Instead he took hold of Brian's hand pulling him out of the chair. He got to the couch making Brian sit down before he straddled his waist hugging him. He wasn't running, he wasn't going to give up just like that, and he wasn't letting Brian do it either. He felt Brian's arms go around him after a moment. Another minute later he felt moisture on his neck, but he didn't say a word about it.

He put his arms around Brian that much tighter just holding the man he loved so much. He felt his own tears falling, but it didn't matter because they weren't ones that he'd shed because he thought Brian was going to die. It was more that he'd gotten Brian to tell him what was wrong. They were for being brave enough to let him in when he had when he'd planned on just leaving without saying a word. He wasn't even sure how long they sat there holding each other. The silent tears hadn't changed and he hadn't said anything letting his man, his partner, have what he needed in those minutes.

"I'm supposed to be at the airport in an hour. The operations in the morning first thing." Brian said when he found his voice again. He had hoped that Justin had been true to his words and not runaway. He just hadn't expected this, though he should have because Justin wasn't that same teenager that followed him around like a love sick puppy. They had both grown up even if he refused to ever want to think about the fucking Ian. "Would... Can you come with me?" He didn't want to be alone even though he knew Justin was supposed to start back at college. It had been their deal if he got the guy first. He just didn't care about the stupid bet this time.

"Yes, if I can't get on your flight I'll take the next one, but I will be there. You're not doing this alone, every step of the way I'm going to be there for you. It's what partners do, I already told you I love you. I'll say it again and again until you get what that means." Justin replied giving Brian his answer before he kissed him.

Brian returned the kiss holding onto Justin like his life was depending on it, which it felt like it was. He wasn't sure if he could face this alone now that that last wall, maybe not the last one, had broken. There was still one more wall that was on shaky ground. He loved Justin, the words just wouldn't come for so long. He'd loved him for over two years, but he was a coward. He could have saved them both from heartache once already if he'd said them. His stupid pride got in the way and he hated that.

**~BJ JB BJ JB~**

"Thank you," Brian replied when they pulled apart for air. "I better see about getting you a ticket." He added with a slight smile because he still couldn't get a real one to form. He hadn't since the guy had shocked him with the finding a lump. "Please don't say anything, I know you're not going to cry all over me every day." He said even though technically they had both been crying. It wasn't the way he'd had Michael doing over the thought he could die when Vic had.

He'd kept his mouth shut even if at the time he'd been terrified he might be next. He didn't feel that right now. It felt like he was going to make it and with Justin beside him they could get through this. It was like the bashing when Justin was hurt, he'd suffered too. Justin was going to be right beside him this time through the ups and plenty of downs. They were in this together and it made that part in him less scared.

"I am not promising never to, but if I have an urge to I'll just leave the room. It's something you do when you love someone. It's not showing that you're weak, it's showing you're human and give a shit about them. Now, go over there and get me a ticket because we need to be in Baltimore by morning." Justin answered kissing Brian once more before he got off of his lap.

Brian got up taking hold of Justin's hand needing to be connected right now. He needed the person that grounded him the most. When he sat down Justin stood behind him with his arms around his neck still touching him. It didn't take long to get Justin a flight, it was one seat left on his. The seats weren't beside each other though, but he hadn't thought he'd get that lucky. The seat was across the isle though, in a way it was beside his, just across from him. When they came back he'd make sure the seats were together.

They left after Brian printed the paper for the ticket showing he'd purchased it just in case. He didn't let go of Justin's hand until they had to get in the car. Once Justin was in he took it again before they got to the loft. He didn't have to wait long for Justin to come back down with a bag. Besides when they absolutely had to they didn't pull away from the other. When they got to the hotel room after the flight landed they crashed in the bed just holding each other. Neither one of them could actually sleep knowing what was going to happen at seven that morning.

They only had four hours anyway until they were up. Once there Justin stayed with Brian until the last second possible holding onto Brian's hand. He had kissed Brian showing him how much he loved him before he'd gone to have the surgery. He wanted Brian to know that he was loved. He knew it might be a while before he could show him in a different way so he put it all into that kiss. He also told Brian he wasn't going to see him any differently. He'd still be his Brian who he thought the world of. He'd still be the man he loved no matter what came of it.

**~BJ JB BJ JB~**

When Brian came to in the recovery room it was like Justin hadn't left him. He was sitting beside the bed with his hand in his again. He knew that Justin wasn't going to go back on what he said even before now. However, when he'd met those blue eyes with his he really felt it inside of his heart. He could feel it inside of his soul too. All the words that Justin had said before hand and when he had come out too. Justin had smiled when he had opened his eyes saying 'Welcome back stud.' It had made him smile too because it had been one of his fears of not telling Justin.

"I love you, too." Brian said squeezing Justin's hand hoping he knew it wasn't just because of where they were or the drugs.

He could remember dreaming of Justin while he was under. He'd also had an interesting conversation with Vic too. He liked what he had seen in the one with Justin though. It was a beautiful place with them standing in a spacious backyard. Justin had been holding a little girl in his arms. There had been a little boy in his own arms as if someone was giving him a sign that this wasn't the end. There would be more in his future with Justin that would be wonderful. It hadn't made him panic either seeing those babies.

Justin smiled at him before he got up kissing Brian putting everything he felt into the kiss. He wanted him to know he knew what he meant wasn't just because of now. He'd seen those words floating in Brian's eyes for years. "I know, Love you back." He added just in case.

"When we get home and I'm feeling better will you do something with me?" Brian asked once he returned the kiss.

"Anything you want me to, even if need me to wipe areas cause you're not able to do it; I will." Justin replied moving his thumb over Brian's jaw. He had been hoping that he'd get to look into the eyes that he loved again. It was always a chance that someone might not wake up. He wasn't about to let Brian go even if he'd tried shoving him away at first.

"If I ever need you to wipe my butt you can put me out to pasture." Brian said with a laugh, but he knew that Justin would do anything for him. It didn't scare him as much as it used to getting old. "I'm not crazy or out of it, but will you marry me?" He asked before he told Justin what he saw while he'd been under. "I want that with you, I've fought it for so long; but this made me realize I want you forever too."

Justin looked at Brian shocked, but there was only one answer he had. "Yes, yes, a million yeses I'll marry you. I want to be with you forever too." He replied adding that Brian could ignore his allergies which had another laugh coming from Brian.

"I've had plenty of time with your allergies, my Prince." Brian said glad that Justin had said yes.

He wasn't going to let Justin or his self down in their life together either. He'd promised his self before he'd gone under that he'd be a better partner to Justin and a better dad too. He'd made it out of this even if he still had to go through misery to continue recovering. Justin would be beside him and that made everything perfect in his book.

**~THE END~**

**So when I edited this story I changed the ending no plans of a continuing story for it though. Wrote back in December which is when wrote most my stories up to June that have been posting.**

**Thanks for reviews and kudos.**


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